How do your parents influence your communication skills?
Research findings have consistently shown that parental influence, whether it be from a mother, father, grandparent, or a brother filling the parental position, helps children develop their communication skills. Based on the way their parents interact with them, children start to build ideas and notions about themselves. Ineffective or bad communication between parents and children usually makes the kids feel unimportant, unheard, or misunderstood. These kids could grow to view their parents as unreliable and unhelpful. For instance, Social behavior; which is easily defined as behavior affecting another person or individual, may impact communication. A child's reactions, both positive and negative, may be influenced by their parents' influence on their social behaviour (Goddard, 1994).
Empathy, emotional stability, and awareness are examples of good social conduct that must be presented in order to be learned. Children who witness empathy from a caretaker are therefore more likely to exhibit empathy themselves. Children who learn negative social behaviors like hostility and rejection are more likely to become antisocial.Support and open communication during childhood may contribute to an adult or adolescent engaging in risky social conduct. A child is inclined to respond to social situations when they have a positive and loving relationship with their parents. Negative relationships with parents can make children more wary of social situations and less likely to express their thoughts in relation to others (Kohn, 2005). It is beneficial for children to develop strong bonds with their caretakers. Children who develop insecure attachments, such as avoidant, tend to have inconsistent or unsupportive parents, which deprives the youngster of the ability to respond, if at all, to the circumstances (Weeb, 2010). Fathers typically play the role of "man of the family" or the dominating one in the majority of households. Boys that witness this kind of ego may come off as bossy or, otherwise, it may have the opposite impact, making them hesitant and wary. Without acknowledging it, mothers who are timid or hesitant to speak for themselves may give their children that kind of disposition. Men are typically more competitive and feel they need to hold a better social status, whereas women tend to be more loving, kind, and sensitive to sentiments (Timmers and Fischer, 1998). Youngsters may lack the ability to advocate for themselves if they don't see others doing so.
Children who feel more accepted by their parents are more likely to be honest and open with them in the future, as well as with their companions and friends. However, by extending white lies to shield their children from harsh realities of life, parents may unintentionally damage their relationship with the children. Additionally, it has also been noted that children receive a signal about which bodies are superior when they hear their parents refer to others as fat or make other derogatory remarks, which can make the kids believe in stereotyping others and judging themselves and the other people around them over physical appearance. Parents who criticize their children's thoughts, feelings, ideas, or even the children themselves might impair their children's self-esteem because they perceive these critiques as personal attacks. According to Rebecca Bergen's research, you can communicate more effectively in adult romantic relationships if your parents encouraged you to "describe how you feel" or utilize words to convey complicated emotions. Bergen claims that "styles of communication are frequently shaped by observation and firsthand experience of our key role models in childhood."
Communication between the parent-child dyad is a crucial component of parenting. It allows parents to understand and respond to their child’s needs, feelings and perspectives, and helps shape the child’s personality and behaviour. The relationship between communication and parenting styles is complex and interdependent- Parents’ communication with their children is influenced by their parenting style, and the way parents communicate with their children can shape their parenting style. Researchers have found four major types of parenting- Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved. Authoritarian parents focus on obedience, and in case of indiscipline, may enforce punishments. Authoritative parents create positive relationships even while enforcing rules. Permissive parents have the mindset of “kids will be kids” and seldom enforce rules. Lastly, Uninvolved parents are just that- uninvolved! They provide little guidance, nurturing or attention.
Indian pop culture has always managed to intricately represent the poignant realities of parenting in the country. Be it quintessential Bollywood movies like “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham'', “Taare Zameen Par” or “Dangal”, that highlight the authoritarian parenting showcased by brown dads, or “Dil Dhadakne Do” and “Wake Up Sid”, that stress on the autonomy given to the sons of the family, resulting in a permissive parenting style. While Asian parents are almost synonymous with Authoritarian parenting styles, Indian parents moderately fluctuate between the four types.
Moreover, non-verbal acts of love and affection are a recurring phenomenon in most Indian households. Whether it is the spine-chilling wide-eyed glare that ends arguments, or cutting fresh fruits for their children when they are toiling over their examinations; research has found that facial expressions and sharing food are important aspects in Indian parenting (Jain & Manjrekar, 2015; Soman & Rao, 2014). Jha and Singh (2019) found that mothers who used more positive nonverbal cues, such as eye contact and smiling, were more likely to have authoritative parenting styles, which are associated with positive outcomes for children. Conversely, mothers who used more negative nonverbal cues, such as frowning and criticism, were more likely to have authoritarian or permissive parenting styles, which can have negative effects on children. Kumari and Kaur (2017) found that touch played an important role in building emotional connections between parents and children in India. Parents who used more positive touch, such as hugs and cuddling, had more positive relationships with their children. Singh and Gupta (2006) found that affectionate behaviour, including physical touch and verbal expressions of love, was associated with positive parent-child relationships and better mental health outcomes for children in India.
Unfortunately, due to India’s recent urbanisation, most Indian children are being raised in empty households while both their parents are immersed in their jobs. This has increased the risk of parents developing either an uninvolved or a permissive parenting style (Nayar & Singh, 2018). In such scenarios, the grandparents might scramble to step-in and take over, resulting in contrast parenting styles. This might result in conflicts due to the generational differences (Sahu & Choudhary, 2018). Finally, the age of technology also brings with it new challenges in parenting. It is of utmost importance for Indian parents to evolve mechanisms to combat these challenges.
While Indian parenting has evolved over time, there is still significant progress to be made in the way parents raise their children.
About the authors :
Mimisha Deka
Sub-head, PsyCreative Column
Psychology Committee, SDSOS, NMIMS.
Mimisha is a student at NMIMS Mumbai, pursuing B.Sc in Applied Psychology. Other than trying to live the “Loralai Gilmore” life, her other interests are dancing, singing and playing ukulele.
Her life depends on her to-do lists, shopping and rewatching tbbt, gilmore girls and b99. If you ever want to have a deep conversation about life or discuss plots of murder documentaries, she’s your go-to girl. Kind hearted, spontaneous and optimistic are the words that perfectly describe her to a tee.
Mimansha Patel is a second year B. Sc. Applied Psychology student. Her friends call her the “grandma” of the group since she is always crocheting. She finds comfort in rewatching the Office and Marvel movies. In her free time, she enjoys strumming the guitar or beating her high scores on Just Dance. She has great appreciation for the written word and Indian classical dances. She also believes she was born in the greatest city in the world- Mumbai!
References :
https://www.psychologs.com/article/positive-communication-style-between-parents-and-children
https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045
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