Silence Speaks!

-

 

Communication is the essence of any relationship in this world, be it romantic, platonic, professional, or just an acquaintance. It becomes essential that we understand how we communicate with those around us because it typically becomes who we are. When we open our mouths or behave in a certain way in front of those around us, we have begun to show them the kind of person that we are, and the personality we harbour. It also starts defining the way in which they would approach and behave with us. Verbal and nonverbal, we communicate through all we say and all we do. 


One such form of communication that is unhealthy is passive-aggressiveness. It is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of addressing them openly. What a passive-aggressive communicator means and what they do, are entirely different. They behave in ways that are seemingly innocent and accidental but have an unconscious aggressive motive. It is not necessary that an individual indulges in such behaviour consciously, it may be in their personality, or motivated by repressed unconscious anger. Such individuals make others feel as if they are in control but take control of situations by behaving in ways that compel individuals around them to bend and accommodate their wishes, even if they may be against their own wishes. Having people who engage in such behaviours around you, can be extremely detrimental to one’s health. Hence, identifying such behaviours and either cutting off such people or helping them realize the same and working on it. Some behaviours that can be identified as passive-aggressive may be:       

  • Ghosting or being unreachable for someone rather than trying to communicate or solving the problem.

  • Taunting or insulting someone in the guise of a compliment.

  • Making excuses in order to get rid of something or shirk responsibility.

  • Taking digs at individuals or responding to individuals with sarcasm upon receiving requests 

  • Passing comments and derogatory messages to someone by talking to someone else about them when they’re listening. 

  • And lastly, but the one that’s deadliest, the infamous ‘silent treatment’. 


Passive aggressive communication and behaviours, are so commonly used, that they are often overlooked as something that’s quite normal and often even a petty joke. However, the effects of passive-aggressive behaviour on the recipient are so great that their mental health suffers. Since recipients can in no way understand this two-faced communication, they are always confused as to what they want and why they are subjected to such rude behaviour. This might affect their self-esteem and they may start to feel insecure about their relationship as well. Repeatedly having to ask someone to do something, only to be snubbed off, can also drive a wedge in their relationship. They might also form a great level of dislike and resentment for the other person due to all the digs being taken at them and the sarcastic responses. On the flip side, however, the individual behaving in this manner is also affected due to all the pent-up anger and frustration within them. Since they never deal with these, it continues to foster inside them and spread to become bigger and bigger. 

In a professional setting, such individuals may face serious consequences for their behaviours, and in extreme cases, may even be fired. Students when missing deadlines and being unable to work well in groups, may hurt their grades and have poor academic performance overall. In the long run, this might also result in them being unable to bag good jobs or have a stunning career. Additionally, they would also not be able to make friends in schools/offices and lack a support system in life which would lead to a whole new set of problems for their life.    

             Research has found that this behaviour may be a result of being brought up in an environment where they were not allowed to express their emotions. Hence, they might feel that they aren’t allowed to express their thoughts, feelings, and emotions and thus find ways to channelize their frustration and anger rather than trying to communicate. Situations may also influence such behaviour. Especially settings where overt expressions of aggression may be discouraged, is when someone may resort to such behaviour. Someone who also may not be comfortable with aggressive communication and confrontational behaviour, would decide to ‘punish’ the recipient by behaving in such a manner. 

In its essence, passive-aggressive behaviour is emotionally abusive to the recipient. It does not affect them in one way, but several. They start to question their entire existence and start second-guessing their every step. They lose their confidence and become timid. They get used to submitting to the control of the other individual and may even lose their own individualistic personality.  

Two extremes of such detrimental behaviour are silent treatment and shouting/screaming at someone. While expressing your anger is not a form of passive-aggressive behaviour, it is bound to occur with an individual who has passive-aggressive tendencies. It is the culmination and final behaviour of all their unexpressed feelings. Yelling and screaming at someone would lead to the same kind of effects as passive-aggressive, emotionally abusive behaviour. They may also lead to psychological problems like anxiety and depression. People bring yelled on, can often be reliving those moments, as those screams and shouts keep echoing in their minds. They may have issues falling asleep and calming down their minds. They may feel stressed, anxious, and panicky constantly. In case the yeller may be around the person even after the yelling, they may also be apprehensive of the yelling happening again. As for the popular silent treatment, it brings with itself a lot of long-term issues for the recipient’s mental health. It compels them to submit to the sender and also makes the sender thrive on this feeling of power and dominance. It brings a lot of guilt on the part of the receiver and a restless desperation to get the other person to talk to them. It is so dangerous that until this behaviour continues, every time the person is in front of the recipient, they feel the same pain they felt the first time, all over again. 

 As mentioned above, passive-aggressive behaviour could be unconscious. So, what is it that we can do on our part to try to minimize it as much as we can? 

  • Try your best not to avoid people yo may be upset with. Try to resolve your issues instead. 

  • Try not to ghost people, or be unavailable in their life, but communicate about the fact that you need some time and space. 

  • Try to be polite and respectful in your communication. Make sure to cut down on the sarcasm as best possible by you. 

  • Try not to avoid doing things just as a way to punish someone. 

  • Express yourself before undesirable emotions pile up inside you.


              Lastly, passive aggressive talk can not only be with someone else but also with our own self. Putting ourselves down, discouraging our wins and pointing out our mistakes are all forms of passive aggressiveness towards ourself. Self-talk when turns such may be detrimental to our mental well-being, motivation, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-concept amongst several other things. It is essential we learn to first recognise our way of self-talk and then work on it. At the end of the day, regardless of the denial, the conversations we have with ourselves are more important than we think they are. 





About the authors:


Prisha Gohil and Komal Jain

Head of PsyCreative column & Member of PsyCreative Column

PsyCommittee, SDSOS, NMIMS


Prisha Gohil, born and raised in Rajkot, Gujarat, is a 19-year-old, full of youth and quirky enthusiasm, something clearly visible in her writing. She is currently studying psychology at SDSOS, Mumbai. Her biggest strengths are her family and friends, who have always been an inspiration to her. She is full of energy when she is awake, which she rarely is. Her dream is to sleep but does some productive work in between here and there while reaching her final goal. Communication is one of the best skills she possesses, that she has nurtured over time. Confident, charismatic, hard-working, and passionate are words that would appropriately describe her.


Komal is an avid reader and writer. She is curious and uses dark, intellectual humour wherever and whenever possible. She loves exploring, solving puzzles and creating content. Being a big-time G-Cal user, ideally she should be structured and organised (which she is, on most days) but is always up for spontaneous activities! Jack of All, Master of None. She's an irony herself;) She's a 2nd Year BSc Applied Psychology student at NMIMS, Mumbai. She runs her own newsletter named Wordzworth since almost a year now and has 130+ people receiving it every week!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND THE “FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT” PHENOMENON

-
Image
-by Unnati Sahni (FY, MSc. Applied Psychology) Have you ever found yourself stepping into a situation where you didn’t feel ready, telling yourself, "I'll act like I belong here?” Maybe it was speaking up in a meeting giving a presentation, or even asking someone out. That’s the essence of “fake it till you make it.” At its heart, this concept isn’t about being deceptive—it’s about leveraging the mind-body connection to grow into the person you want to be. From a psychological point of view, this is effective because the human brain is amazingly adaptable. One theoretical framework that supports this notion is the self-perception theory, which argues that people often come to know their emotions through their behaviors. For instance, when a person smiles, even when in pain, the brain interprets the smile and starts to associate it with good feelings. The same principle applies to confidence—when you act confident, your brain interprets your actions as evidence that you are con...
Read more

The Diasporic Disconnect Amidst Urban Setting in Students

-
Image
 The Diasporic Disconnect Amidst Urban Setting in Students  - By Drishti Haldia (MSc. Applied Psychology, Sem II) Automat by Edward Hopper (1927): The painting depicts isolation and urban loneliness.  “ Imagine standing by a window at night, on the sixth or seventeenth or forty-third floor of a building. The city reveals itself as a set of cells, a hundred thousand windows, some darkened and some flooded with green or white or golden light. Inside, strangers swim to and fro, attending to the business of their private hours. You can see them, but you can‘t reach them, and so this commonplace urban phenomenon, available in any city of the world on any night, conveys to even the most social a tremor of loneliness, its uneasy combination of separation and exposure .” -Olivia Lang What is Diaspora?  Diaspora refers to a population or group of people who originated from a specific geographic location but currently reside in different regions or countries. It is very re...
Read more

Myths Being Debunked and Facts about Suicide

-
Image
Aarya Patil MSc. FY Applied Psychology  “Help! Help! It was someone screaming, I looked behind and saw no one was there. I heard the same scream again but this time I did not look back, because I knew, I was familiar with this voice, it was the voice within me, suffocating but it wanted to speak.” Let’s understand the myths about suicide and debunk them instead of feeling suffocated. 1) “ Individuals who have a mental health condition are the only ones affected by suicidal ideations and attempts ”, that’s not true - anyone out there without a mental health condition can be affected by suicidal thoughts - so keep checking in on your loved one’s or anyone you know of displaying signs.   2) “ People who talk about suicide are attention seekers” , When we are physically hurt, like if we have scrapped our knee or bleeding through our lips, don’t we ask for help readily? Just because suicidal thoughts are not physically present, people often assume it’s just for attention seeking, ...
Read more