BIRTH ORDER THEORY- REAL OR FAKE?

 

Have you ever looked at someone and said, “Oh yes this girl is definitely an only child!” 

Well, I definitely have. 

How is it that it’s so easy for one to assume whether someone is the oldest, youngest, middle or an only child? There is a birth order theory, given by Austrian physician and psychiatrist, Alfred Adler. To simplify this theory, the eldest child tends to be given a lot of responsibility and is generally overachievers. The middle child tends to be the peacemaker and slightly rebellious, the youngest is the ‘baby’ of the family but can sometimes feel overshadowed by the elder siblings, whereas, an only child is given most of the parents’ attention. 

An individual's personality is created by nature, and also significantly by nurture. This nurture speaks about the environment, and one's birth order plays a great role. If a person spends all their life playing the role of the responsible one in the family, that role is bound to mirror itself in all other aspects of their life, and hence become their personality. 

This is why in the show ‘Friends’, Ross Geller is the older brother and he's portrayed as a responsible overachiever, whereas as one can see his younger sister Monica Geller feels like she has to often prove herself and hence becomes competitive.

Of course, there are other factors that play a role in shaping one's personality. Mainly factors that impact a person's childhood, such as socioeconomic status, the area that they live in, education, family structure (nuclear family, joint family, divorced parents) and many others.

This blog will focus on birth order. In my opinion, it is among the most important factors since it stays constant no matter what other factors change. For example, a family moving from one city to another would be a major environmental factor. However, the way it will be dealt with by each child will be different, based on their role in the family. The eldest child will be given the responsibility of helping with the move and ensuring everyone is taken care of. The middle child will probably be expected to resolve any conflicts occurring in the family. The youngest one is most likely to be taken care of and not do anything. In the situation of an only child, it could go both ways.  They would either relax and not do any work, all the work being handled by the parents; or they would be expected to handle most of the work as they don't have any siblings to share this work with.

There has been enough evidence laid out to support Alfred Adler’s Birth Order theory. 

Now, I must play devil’s advocate. Let’s take the show ‘Modern Family.’ Claire and Phil Dunphy have three children– Haley, Alex and Luke (in the order they were born). Haley is portrayed as a rebellious, irresponsible girl, and Alex is shown as extremely responsible, smart, and hard-working to the point that her character comes off as ‘nerdy’. Luke is extremely silly, and laidback, and enjoys doing fun and slightly dangerous activities. So how is it that none of these characters follow birth order theory? My opinion is that since their age gap is so minimal (Haley and Alex have a 3-year age gap and Alex and Luke have a 2 year age gap) their roles in the family may overlap. At the same time, since Haley, the oldest child did not take on the role of the ‘responsible’ sibling, it passed on to Alex, the middle child. Alex seems to be overlooked often by her parents, even though she is sometimes the backbone of their family. Playing this double role catches up to her as she tells her therapist in an episode, “They don't get me.” Luke is the typical youngest child, fun, laidback and mischievous, so he fits the ‘type’ for the youngest child. 

Let’s understand how these roles that people play in the family can influence their personality later on. If an only child is not used to sharing clothes, space or attention of their parents they may not be able to share with other people as well. Of course, through exposure and change in environment, they could grow to learn how to share and accommodate. Elder siblings may always take on extra responsibility in other aspects of their lives and become overachievers. Middle children, if feeling overlooked become rebellious; or if expected to be ‘peacemakers’ may take on that role in other areas of their life as well, such as in friendships. Youngest children would be used to other people taking responsibility for them, hence becoming laidback individuals. So they could become generally stress-free in other areas as well, such as work or academics.

The main factors that play a role in children's personality development are genetics, parenting style, culture, education and socio-economic status. However, in my opinion, birth order plays the biggest role because it is constant and is a role that one has to play almost since birth. It makes one the person that they are, so even if it is not the only factor, it is one of the most important ones.

About the author 

Tanya Muscatwalla is a second-year student of Bsc Applied psychology. However, if she is watching a show, or reading a book, she will forget who you are, let alone which degree she is pursuing. She loves watching sitcoms, be it Friends, New Girl, Brooklyn nine or Big bang theory. She also loves reading psychological thrillers, some of her favorites being The silent patient, Rock paper scissors, and of course, Sharp Objects.  

References

Adlerian Overview of birth order characteristics - Alfred Adler Institute of Northwestern Washington. (n.d.).

 http://www.adlerian.us/birthord.htm

WebMD Editorial Contributor. (2023, July 12). What to know about birth Order. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-to-know-about-birth-order